An Interview with Warrior, Mercenary, and Ladies’ Man… Maldynado Montichelu

Before I released Book 4, I talked Sicarius into doing an interview (which wasn’t easy, believe me!). Since it was so well received, I thought I’d see if someone else on the team would be up for something similar. Before I even finished making the request, Maldynado shoved everyone else out of the way, puffed his chest out, and said he was the logical choice, on account of the next book being all about him (I keep telling him it’s only half about him, but he doesn’t seem to hear that part). Thus I headed over to Facebook and the EE forum and solicited questions. (Please stroke his ego a bit by leaving a comment below… to let him know you were interested… somewhat.)

Maldynado Interview

Maldynado, thank you for agreeing to answer a few questions for your fans. I’m certain they’ll appreciate your time, especially given how busy you’ve been crashing things of late.

Crashing? You mean that dirigible? That wasn’t my fault. You sent that monstrous flying aircraft after us, something so technologically advanced that it was like a steamroller bearing down on a farm cart with stone wheels.

What about the garbage lorry?

What? That was the boss’s fault! And so was the wagon in Larocka Myll’s basement. Why does nobody ever blame the woman? When it’s clear she was giving directions?

But enough of that. Did you say fans? My fans? I am ready and available for them. Er, they are female, right?

Judging by the names on the interview questions, yes.

Oh, good. Not that I mind male adoration, but woman are more… desirable.

Uhm, yes. Let’s get started, shall we? Alita asks: “I know you like having your ‘snake greased’ by random women but do you think you’ll ever settle down and start a family?”

*blink, blink* The first question is about…? Er, I’m certain I don’t know what you mean in regards to… snakes… but as to the rest, I must say that I hadn’t considered it, no. I’m still a virile young man. It seems early to consider draping more than shopping bags on my arms. Babies spit up on one’s fine garments, and toddlers are always unpleasantly sticky and grimy. They’ll put anything in their mouths, you know. Some of my brothers have kids, and the little brats warrior-caste scions haven’t exactly endeared me to the idea of children.

Perhaps you simply need to marry a woman with the ability to suitably discipline your children so they’d be well-behaved.

Well, that’s… a thought, but, no, no, it’s too soon to think of such things.

All right, moving on. Ndngirl asks: “Have you ever gotten Sicarius to the Pirates Plunder?”

Dear ancestors, no! Who would invite him?

Er, I suppose once or twice, when I’d had a few deep quenching swigs sips of applejack, I might have tossed an invitation his way, fully expecting that he’d ignore it. And that’s what he did, unless you count the glares. I don’t. Glares are a part of his normative state. That being a truth, you’ve got to pity the woman who– Ahem, I’m sure if Sicarius has, ah, needs, that he takes care of them in private.

Kendra asks: “Which do you think is more important for a man of taste to have: the perfect hat or a finely-balanced rapier?”

I must confess that I was expecting questions of a little more… substance. Don’t my female fans know that there’s more to me than a love for fashion and sword innuendos? I have hidden depths, remember?

It’s possible you’ve hidden them too well.

*sigh* Very well. A hat is a wonderful way to express one’s personality (and exquisite taste), but a functional and aesthetically pleasing blade is a must. One never knows when one will have to stab highwaymen, Nurian spies, or meddlesome businesswomen bent on taking over the world.

Stab…? Never mind. Let’s move on. EEfangirl asks: “We know about Ravido. Tell us about your other brothers. What was it like growing up with six older brothers?”

Dreadful, really. My Marblecrest ancestors may have been generous in handing out looks and sublime physical attributes, but senses of humor are scarce in the bloodline. It’s amazing how such a large family can have only one member who isn’t uptight, stiff, and humorlessness. That’s me, by the way. My wit was terribly unappreciated.

I could have handled that — after all, you see that I can even get along with Sicarius — but my kin have petty and cruel streaks as well. They take insufferable amounts of pleasure in the misfortune of others, and they’re not above causing that misfortune, on the sly of course, if it’ll provide entertainment value. Ravido’s actually one of my more decent brothers, relatively speaking, probably because he grew up first and got out of the house as soon as he was old enough.

Before me move on, let met get something straight… You “get along” with Sicarius?

When we’re not training, planning a mission, or trying to have a good time. And when he’s not standing behind my shoulder, giving orders or glaring.

So, basically when he’s not in the room.

Yes, exactly.

Elizabeth asks: “What is your biggest regret in regards to your family?”

That I lost Tia. The story’s in my book if you want the details. I don’t care to repeat them.

Your book?

Yes, Blood and Betrayal. My story, my book. I can’t believe how long it’s taken my biographer to get around to writing it, hmmph.

Next, Lysana asks: “Any true loves in your past, or did they all end when the sun came up?  (Or when the allotted hour was over?)”

Hour? I assure you my nocturnal endeavors are always longer than that. Goodness, didn’t you know that Turgonian men have stamina? And that my ancestors granted me far more than the average–

Ouch, why’d you kick me under the table, Lady Author?

Let’s stay on topic, Maldynado. Any true loves in your past?

I’m certain I was on topic, but if you insist on discussing the intangibles… there may have been women for whom I had feelings when I was a young and naive pup. But women always want you to settle down and start a family and take on responsibilities. *shudder* No, thank you.

Adamai asks: “In the group, who do you feel closest to? After Amaranthe of course.”

I know I can count on Basilard to have my back in a fight. And I like playing Tiles with him, even though he totally cheats. He’s a fine chef too. I never would have expected to find decent cuisine out in the wilds — though I do have to look away when he’s foraging. He plucks ingredients from the most unappealing spots.

Books would be all right if he wasn’t so insufferably full of himself. And boring. And if he trusted me to have his back. I’ve hauled his hairy cheeks out of the fire heaps of times, and he still thinks… well, if you’ve read the book, you know how quick to mistrust he was on this latest adventure. After all we’ve been through, I thought we were closer than that, but whatever. He’s the one who needs friends. Not me. People love handsome, affable fellows such as myself.

Maria asks: “So far your only (blood) relative we’ve seen (Ravido at Ft Urgot) didn’t seem to have your fashion sense. Do any of the men in your family consider their appearance nearly as important as yours, or is Ravido a good representation of them?”

Well, Ravido was in uniform when you saw him, wasn’t he? Military clothing is terribly drab and unimaginative. I’ll allow that the dress uniforms can give a man a dashing appearance, but they him a touch stiff too. Which means they suit Ravido just fine.

The rest of my family, enh, they know how to dress. They lack my flair, naturally, but it’s not like they wander around with mismatching socks.

Moldynotgo asks: “You’re the romance expert. You must think love is for everyone. But what about… Sicarius? Could you imagine him as a romantic hero?”

*sticks his finger in his ear, checks for wax, and leans closer* I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. Can you repeat the question?

Is there any scenario in which you can see Sicarius as a romantic hero?

No.

You don’t believe everyone can find love?

Love is a feeling. If Sicarius ever had feelings, he buried them at the bottom of a rock quarry and smothered them with a landslide. No, forget that. He blew up the entire mountain on them so they’d never escape. I’ll bet you a million ranmyas that he’d deny ever feeling love if you asked him about. He’d probably call it some kind of weakness an enemy can exploit.

Mana asks: Besides your family and the occasional failed pick up line, what embarrasses you the most?

Being seen in public with comrades who insist on wearing blood-spattered military fatigues and other garish mercenary accoutrements. *long-suffering sigh*

Tara32 asks: “how big are your……feet?”

*lazy smile* Ample. Why don’t you bring your… shoes over here, and we’ll see if they… fit?

Sylvia asks: “Maldynado, you seem to give everyone on the team a hard time, with the exception of Sicarius, but you seem to pester Books the most. Is there a particular reason, besides fashion? It seems like there is genuine brotherly affection there. Also, my mother wants to know, despite your obvious attempts to prove yourself disreputable, how do you really feel about honor and a warrior’s responsibility to their nation. And one last one from both of us, if you could give Sicarius a make-over, without being murdered that is, what would you change?”

Some people just ask to be picked on, due to their self-importance and pomposity, but I hold no ill will toward Books. And I assume he knows my ribbing is without malice. Someone has to keep the tone light around here. Given all those wizards and monsters we encounter, it could get unbearably dark and grim if someone didn’t inspire a chuckle here and there.

Wait, who thinks I’m disreputable? You haven’t been talking to my sisters-in-law, have you? I try to be an honorable fellow, so long as it doesn’t involve too much personal hardship. This last year has been tough due to all this early rising and assiduous training. *shudder*

Sicarius? Dear ancestors, his name is coming up an awful lot in my interview. He has his own interview, you know. As for the question, if I thought I could have gotten away with it, I’d have cut his hair in his sleep. The man is desperately in need of a barber. As for the rest of his ensemble, it’s bland and a tad metal-heavy, but it’s not entirely hideous.

All right, thank you for your time, Maldynado.

That’s it? I can talk about this subject all night.

The subject being… you?

Naturally.

Isn’t that Yara over there waiting for you?

Ah, perhaps so. Yes. Goodnight. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.

That doesn’t narrow down the allowable activities very much.

*smirk*