Christmas Bonus Story! (Death Before Dragons)

I just finished this today, and it hasn’t been edited yet, but I thought you might enjoy this Christmas bonus story from my Death Before Dragons series. It takes place between Books 7 and 8, so if you’re not caught up with the series and don’t like spoilers, you might want to wait to read it. That said, it’s not super spoiler heavy, and you could probably read it even if you haven’t read these books. You just won’t know who all these crazy characters are!

Thanks for reading, and have an awesome Christmas!

Gifts

“Who goes skiing for Christmas?” I paced around the living room, eyeing the photo Amber had sent of herself and a friend on a gleaming white mountain slope. “Christmas means spending obligatory time with your loved ones, opening sweaters knitted by grandma, and cringing over how lame your family is.”

Dimitri paused in hanging Star Wars ornaments on the tree to peer at the photo. “I thought she was up there with your ex and that they went every year.”

“She is. But that’s only half of her family.” I placed a hand on my chest, then spread it toward the room. “Look how cool our decorations are. And normal, not weird.”

When I’d suggested that Amber and Thad come by for Christmas Eve and wait to start their ski trip until later in the week, Amber had rolled her eyes and said my place was too weird for Christmas. Not true. Star Wars ornaments aside, the robust eight-foot noble fir, the star threatening to scrape the textured paint off the ceiling, was completely normal. And so were the five stockings dangling from the fireplace mantle. Never mind that one of the stockings was for a dragon, one was for a vampire, and if my mother had her way, we would soon add one for her dog.

“If anyone had invited me skiing,” Dimitri said, “I would have gone.”

“You hate skiing. Didn’t you say that’s why you left Bend?”

“I left because Seattle has more work and a better club scene, but we’re enjoying a wet Christmas instead of a white one, so I can see the appeal of going up to Whistler.” Dimitri thumped me on the arm. “You should be happy she sent you a photo. That means she’s thinking of you.”

“It’s in a group message to twenty people. I think she’s just bragging to everyone that she got to go someplace fun.”

“Are you going to be grumpy all night?”

“No.” I sent Amber a photo of our tree and stuffed the phone in my pocket. “I’m just voicing some disgruntlement.”

Maybe it had been selfish to want Amber to come over for Christmas when I’d avoided having any contact with her or Thad for ten years, during which I’d missed all of their Christmases. Just because I’d reached out to Amber and managed to establish a relationship with her this year didn’t mean I should expect them to change their tradition.

“That’s what being grumpy is.” Dimitri hung another X-wing between a Roswell alien and a Jupiter ornament. Other people got pretty sparkling balls. We got the blown-glass solar-system set.

“These decorations are even geekier than the ones Thad usually puts up,” I said. “Where did you get them all?”

“The internet is a shopping sanctuary for those with eclectic tastes.”

“I kind of miss the good old days when all you could get was what Hallmark offered.”

Dimitri held up a finger, opened a box, and pulled out a chunky metal four-legged robot.

“Is that an AT-AT?” I asked.

“From Hallmark.” He showed me the emblem on the back of the box.

“Huh. The meek are inheriting the Earth.”

“The geek maybe.”

Magic flared above the house, pinging at my senses. Someone had opened a portal.

I was expecting Zav—he’d gone home to help his mother with a few dragon concerns at their Justice Court but had promised to return for our holiday—but took a couple of steps toward my weapons. After all, our house was a popular target for vengeful members of the magical community.

Zav flew out of the portal and boomed, Greetings, my mate! into my mind. I smell meat.

I smiled, relieved that he’d made it. If I couldn’t see my daughter for Christmas, my fiancé would do.

I knew you’d be back so I put some hams in the smoker. I would have cooked a Christmas ham, regardless of whether he was coming, but since dragons could down slabs of meat faster than a tiger shark, I’d crammed the smoker full.

You are a most excellent mate. Dealing with the politics of the court, as well as the quibbling of my own kin, was stressful. I wasn’t even permitted to duel with anyone. I look forward to relaxing with you. We will dine and then mate vigorously.

I’m open to that but not until later. My mom and Nin are coming over, and Dimitri and Zoltan are going to hang out with us too. It’s customary to spend time with one’s family and friends on Christmas Eve. I wasn’t sure I considered the vampire alchemist who lived in the basement a friend exactly, but it had seemed appropriate to invite him.

They would object to us mating?

While they’re here, yeah. Our bedroom is above the living room, you know. Though I’d heard from my half-sister and occasional roommate Freysha that certain activities were audible even in other parts of the house, at least to her keen elven ears. I’d given up on feeling embarrassed about that. Mostly. Too bad she wasn’t here for Christmas, but the elves were having the Grooming of the Trees Festival on their own world, something that sounded more like odious volunteer work than a time of fun and relaxation. I’d declined her invitation to join in.

They will not object to us eating, will they? Zav beamed disapproval into my mind.

No. They’ll want to eat too.

I will allow them to share some of our meat.

The ham with a brown-sugar glaze is for the humans. I know how you feel about sweets.

They’re loathsome. Why would you poison your meat so?

Humans have vices. It’s what gives us character.

My phone buzzed as Zav landed in the front yard, shifting into his human form.

“Hey, Willard,” I answered it. “Is everything okay?” I was glad she’d called. Earlier, she’d texted to say her plans had changed and she wouldn’t need me to cat sit. “Oh, and Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas? You do know I’ve been stuck in the office all day, managing six agents and gathering the intel necessary for the police to apprehend the Teriyaki Torcher, right?”

“Did you finally find your arsonist?”

“Yeah, it was an orc stealing food, then lighting the restaurants on fire, so people would be thrown off his trail. I should have put you on the case. Then maybe I would have made my flight back home this morning.”

Ah, that was why she no longer needed cat sitting.

“Why didn’t you?” I asked.

“It’s the end of the year, and we’re out of funding. I have to use agents already on the staff.”

“I would have helped for free.” Thanks to the ridiculously lucrative gig Nin’s grandfather had given me, I was no longer scraping to make rent each month. Or to buy shopping carts full of hams to keep Zav fed.

“You would have asked for a favor,” Willard growled. “I’m still working on your last favor.”

“Planning the wedding of a dragon is an honor, not an obligation.”

She grunted. “You sound like him.”

“I might have been quoting him.” I pulled back the curtains to see what was holding up Zav. It had been a few minutes since he’d arrived. He was out front with his fists on his hips as he considered the dragon topiaries he’d magically grown and shaped—and given powers to—at the corners of our property. Maybe I shouldn’t have let Dimitri string Christmas lights around them.

“I just called to let you know I got quotes from the caterer and the harpist. I’ll go over them with you after the holiday.”

“Thanks, Willard. Hey, if you’re stuck here, why don’t you join us this evening? We’re having a small family-and-friends Christmas Eve dinner.”

“I have plans.”

“Staying at home, petting your cat, and reading a book doesn’t count as plans.”

“You only feel that way because you’re not an introvert.”

“Why don’t you come over? You can sit in the corner and read if we get too rowdy for you.”

“Too rowdy? This isn’t a party, is it?” She said it as if that would be the most distasteful way to spend an evening. An introvert, indeed. “Who all is coming?”

“My mom and possibly Rocket. Zav, Dimitri, and Zoltan. Oh, and Nin may come by for a few. That’s it. Just a small family gathering.”

“You’re only related to one of those people.”

“Family isn’t just about blood. Sometimes it’s about staying rent-free in the basement and overcharging your roommates for your services.”

“I hope you put coal in Zoltan’s stocking.”

“As an alchemist, he might find a use for that. Are you coming? We have plenty of ham.” I was positive Zav wouldn’t touch the glazed one. I peeked out the window again—what was taking so long. Uh oh. The Christmas lights were out. No… I squinted. They weren’t out. He’d incinerated them and was now nodding with satisfaction.

“Can I bring Maggie?”

“You want to bring your cat to my house?”

“You don’t leave family home alone at Christmas.”

“Is she a big celebrator of the holiday?”

“She likes ornaments and wrapping paper.”

I eyed Dimitri’s ornament collection and imagined Maggie batting the X-wings off the tree. At least they looked pretty indestructible. The gifts under the tree would be of more danger from Rocket, especially since I’d wrapped some expensive filet mignon beef jerky for Zav.

“I guess it’ll be fine.” I’d thought about summoning Sindari to hang out with us for a bit, but I could keep that to a minimum since Maggie didn’t get along with him. “She won’t do that meow-screech the whole time, right?”

“Not as long as she’s fed and happy.”

“Okay.” Maybe I would wait until they left to summon Sindari. “Uhm, how does Maggie feel about dragons? Has she met Zav?”

“I don’t think so, but as long as he’s not scent-marking the furniture and calling her an inferior predator, he can’t be as bad as your pet tiger.”

“We try to keep the scent-marking to a minimum around here.”

Dimitri’s eyebrows rose. He was still in the room hanging ornaments.

“It’s my boss,” I told him.

“That’s the kind of work you discuss?” he asked.

“Our work requires conversations on wide and varied topics.”

“I’m on my way,” Willard said. “Do you want me to bring anything?”

“We’ve got all the dinner fixings. If you want something to drink besides beer, hard cider, or sparkling water, you might want to bring it.”

Zav opened the door, the wind gusting and stirring the hem of his black elven robe, which drew my eye to his yellow hole-filled Crocs. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t gotten tired of those yet. I missed the elven slippers that matched the robe.

“Someone attempted to strangle the topiaries with cords,” he announced, “but I rescued them from this vandalism.”

“Cords?” Dimitri peered out the window. “What happened to the Christmas lights?”

“Don’t ask.” I patted him on the shoulder and guided him back to the tree. “I’ll get you a couple more sets for next year.”

Zav’s nose was in the air as he appreciated the aromas of ham wafting out of the kitchen, but he noticed the new addition to the living room and tilted his head in puzzlement.

“Why is there a dead tree in our abode?” Zav asked.

“It’s a Christmas tradition,” I said.

“That is the holiday you are celebrating this week? Is its purpose to venerate dead trees?”

“No, it’s to celebrate the birth of Jesus. He was kind of a big deal on Earth.”

“When we celebrated your birthday, we did not erect trees.”

“That’s true.”

“We exchanged gifts and mated vigorously.” Zav came forward and hugged and kissed me.

“Ew.” Dimitri hid himself behind the Christmas tree. Or hid us from his view, was perhaps more accurate. “I’m still in the room.”

Later, I told Zav telepathically, patting him on the chest and breaking the kiss. I sensed Nin driving up, and judging by the barking out front, Mom had also arrived with Rocket.

So far, I do not like this holiday as much as your birthday.

We’ll exchange gifts later. You’ll like that part.

Zav stepped back, a frown creasing his brow. “Does celebrating the birth of your dead religious leader mean that I should have gotten you a gift?”

“That’s not necessary.” I hadn’t told him about holiday gift giving, because I hadn’t wanted him to feel compelled to go on another quest to get me something. The engagement and wedding ring were great, but challenging other dragons to battle to take items from their hoard was a touch more involved and dangerous than ordering meat sticks from the sausage catalog.

“But it is the custom.” He watched my face.

“You brought the gift of yourself. That’s all I require.” I hugged him again.

“I’m still here,” Dimitri said.

“We’re not kissing,” I said.

“Yeah, but you’re being mushy.”

“You’re as bad as Amber.”

“Is your offspring giving you a gift?” Zav asked, still hung up on presents.

“She’s not here. She’s skiing in Whistler, Canada.” I thought I managed to say that without sounding chagrined or resentful, but Zav squinted thoughtfully at me.

“You wish she were here.”

“It would have been nice, but I get why she’d rather be skiing. And having eggnog in some rented condo instead of our fabulous house.”

“Eggnog is disgusting,” Dimitri said. “It’s wrong to drink eggs.”

“You hang out with someone who drinks blood.”

“That’s because he’s a vampire. We’re not egg-pires. We shouldn’t drink eggs.”

“More for me then.” Sensing Nin’s approach, I opened the door.

Rocket was the first one to bound in the house, then around the living room, onto the couch, and finally to the tree for enthusiastic sniffing.

“Make sure your dog doesn’t scent-mark our tree, please,” I said as Mom walked in next, handing me a present wrapped in paper with golden retrievers all over it.

“He knows not to do that indoors,” she said.

“You don’t think having some of the outdoors indoors might confuse him?”

“No. He’s smart.”

Rocket finished sniffing the tree and presents and flung himself onto Dimitri’s overstuffed beanbag chair, then rolled on his back with all four paws in the air.

“A veritable genius,” I said.

“Hey,” Dimitri protested. “That’s my favorite chair.”

“It looks like an extra large dog bed,” Mom said.

“It puts you in the ergonomically correct position for gaming,” Dimitri said.

“Which also happens to be the ergonomically correct position for a dog to scratch his back.” I waved Mom to a seat.

Nin stepped in, handing me a present in a tasteful gift bag. It emanated familiar magic, and I had a feeling she’d made me a fresh batch of grenades.

“Many people have arrived,” Zav said. “Will there be enough meat for our meal?”

“I got five hams,” I said.

He gave me a blank look.

“Four are for you.”

“I will check on them. If they are insufficient, I may have to go acquire more meat.” Zav strode toward the kitchen.

“They’re sufficient,” I called after him, but he disappeared into the kitchen. “Dragons,” I muttered.

“How many pounds are the hams?” Nin asked curiously. “Perhaps I should have brought extra suea rong-hai.”

“They’re fifteen pounds each. He’ll be fine. Have a seat.” I waved to the couch. “Do you want anything to drink or eat?”

Rocket sat up, woofed, and wagged his tail.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” I told him.

“He likes ham,” Mom said.

“I bet.”

Zav strode back out. “The meat supply is insufficient.”

“It’s fine,” I told him. “If your stomach has emergency gauntness, I can unthaw some hamburgers from the extra freezer.”

“Insufficient. I will obtain more meat.” He strode out, ignoring my protests, and sprang off the porch, shifting into a dragon and flapping off before he hit the ground.

“That was weird,” I said.

“You sound puzzled,” Mom said. “Isn’t he always weird?”

I almost said not for a dragon, but he wasn’t much like other dragons, either, from what I’d seen. Which was why I loved him. Most dragons were dicks.

Before I could go to fetch drinks, Willard arrived—with her cat carrier. I didn’t need my sense for magic to know she was coming up the walkway. Maggie’s half-Siamese meow-wails announced their approach.

I opened the door for them, and Rocket woofed again. He looked at the cat carrier and wagged his tail hard enough to endanger a nearby lamp. Mom leaned over and rested a hand on the base so it wouldn’t go flying.

“Welcome, Willard,” I said. “And Maggie.”

The cat meowed uncertainly.

“Your tiger isn’t here, is he?” Willard handed me a canister of something. It wasn’t wrapped. Was it a gift?

“No.” I read the label: Golden Mellow Turmeric Drink Powder. Reduce stress, anxiety, and inflammation naturally. Well, I had told her to bring whatever she liked to drink… “Sindari is only interested in coming here to do battle. When I summon him to hang out, he’s less than enthusiastic. He also doesn’t appreciate Rocket’s exuberance.”

Rocket demonstrated his exuberance by jumping off the beanbag chair, running around the living room, and dropping down to his forelegs in front of Willard’s cat carrier.

“What is he doing?” Willard asked.

“That’s a play bow,” Mom said. “Rocket has met Maggie before. They’re buddies.”

Maggie hissed through the grate in the cat carrier.

“Close buddies,” I said. “Didn’t Maggie once throw books out of your loft and try to hit Rocket as he ran around below?”

“Yes. Rocket enjoyed having someone to play with him.”

“Play,” I mouthed to Willard.

Mom patted her thigh. “Over here, buddy. I’m sure Maggie will throw something at you later.”

Rocket bounded to her side, and they sat on the couch together.

“Why do I get the feeling that Rocket would enjoy being targeted by paintballers on a range so long as he was getting attention?” I asked.

Willard walked around the room, eyed our Christmas decorations, and prodded Dimitri’s Gamersac. “I see you’ve purchased new upscale furnishings since you came into all that gnome money.”

“It was gnome gold, and I don’t think someone who uses a weight bench for an ottoman should talk.”

“It’s an upscale adjustable weight bench by Precor.”

“Colonels do make the big money.”

“Not as big as freelance assassins.”

“Hey, don’t envy me my glamorous job. It’s not my fault you didn’t get proper career counseling in your youth.”

“Uh huh. Can I let Maggie out?” Willard pointed at the cat carrier. “She’ll be happier if she can find a nice high bookcase to watch the goings on from.”

“And so will Rocket.”

“Apparently.”

I waved for her to open the cat carrier and headed to the door to make sure it was firmly closed, but I sensed someone else coming up the walkway. Gondo.

“I’m positive I didn’t invite him,” I murmured. “Willard, did you ask your shortest agent to bring you information tonight?”

“My shortest agent is Corporal Nash.”

“Think shorter. And greener.”

“Gondo is an informant, not an agent,” she said.

“What’s the difference?”

“I pay him in sodas from the vending machine instead of direct deposits to the bank.”

“It’s a wonder goblins always have money to spend at our coffee shop.”

The doorbell rang. Rocket woofed. Maggie meow-screeched from atop a bookcase. She’d beelined up there quickly.

“I’m surprised they don’t try to pay you in recycled cans,” Willard said.

“They need those for their projects.” I opened the door and smiled down at our green-skinned, white-haired, overalls-and-tool-belt-wearing visitor. “Hey, Gondo.”

“Greetings, Ruin Bringer. I have brought a gift on behalf of my caffeine-enjoying people.” He held up what looked like a miniature goblin holding a wrench aloft. It appeared to be made from… yes, those were recycled soda cans. How had Willard known?

“That’s thoughtful of you. What is it?”

“A Christmas tree ornament. It gyrates.”

“It what?”

Gondo spun the goblin’s head around several times. The ornament clicked like a wind-up toy. He released the head, holding it by a thin chain loop attached to the top, and the goblin lifted the wrench up and down and wiggled its hips. Actually, those were more like hip thrusts.

“Gondo, is that goblin dancing or… something more suggestive?”

He grinned wickedly, answering the question.

“I see. Ah, Dimitri, is there a place left on the tree for this?”

Nin’s mouth formed an O as she caught a glimpse of it. Maybe it was just as well that Amber hadn’t come. Thad wouldn’t approve of our daughter seeing pornographic Christmas ornaments.

“In the back, I think.” Dimitri picked it up gingerly by the chain.

Make it the way back, I told him telepathically.

Oh, I will. It might accidentally fall under the heat register.

Gondo’s nostrils twitched as he inhaled ham scents. “Do you have room for more at your dinner table?”

How could I say no to someone who’d brought a gift?

“Yeah. Come on in.” I waved, intending to shut the door behind him, but Gondo leaned back outside and pumped his arm vigorously.

“She said we could join them.”

Whoops came from the sidewalk. I hadn’t noticed the auras of seven more goblins out there, maybe because they were standing near one of the dragon topiaries, its magic overshadowing them. One of the goblins was slapping a smoking hat on the side of his pants. The nearby topiary’s eyes glowed as smoke wafted from its verdant nostrils.

“Will you deactivate your security system, Ruin Bringer?” Gondo asked politely.

Should we let them in? I asked Dimitri telepathically, worried that so many goblins were bound to make improvements to the house if they were inside for more than an hour.

I think we have to, he replied. It’s Christmas. Also, they’re paying customers at the coffee shop.

All right. I touched one of the magical remotes on the built-in shelves near the door. Outside, the orange glow to the topiaries’ eyes dulled. “They can come in.”

“I thought this wasn’t going to be a party,” Willard said as the goblins trotted inside, eliciting protesting noises from Maggie. Rocket, who adored all people, no matter what their height, skin color, or engineering persuasion, ran up and knocked over a few goblins with his love—and powerful tail whacks.

“I didn’t plan for it to be one.” I closed the door firmly and headed toward the fireplace to light some festive cheer. “They’ll probably scatter when Zav comes back,” I whispered to Willard on the way past.

“Where did he go?”

“To get more meat, he said. I’m not sure if that involves hunting or mugging people in the Costco parking lot.”

“He mugs people?” Willard’s eyebrows rose. “Am I going to have to hire you to hunt down your own fiancé?”

“Technically, he doesn’t touch them. He just lands in front of shoppers as they’re pushing their carts full of food out to their cars. He doesn’t use his magic to camouflage himself; if anything, he enhances his dragonness. They have a tendency to flee and abandon their carts. He doesn’t take everything, just a frozen turkey or box of hamburgers or five.”

Willard rubbed her face. “Thorvald, that’s not acceptable.”

“As I told him. He hasn’t done it recently.”

Whistling came from the backdoor, and I sensed Zoltan coming into the house. I’d wondered if he would join us this evening. Parties, which this had undoubtedly become, weren’t his thing. It was quite possible he was coming up to complain about the noise.

When Zoltan entered the living room, wearing red-tinted goggles to protect his sensitive eyes from our blazing table lamps, he carried several small metal canisters.

“Merry Christmas, dear robber and associates. I have brought—” Zoltan lurched back as Rocket ran past with a goblin riding his back, “—gifts.” Zoltan curled a lip and plucked a golden strand of fur off his black lab coat. “Gifts for the ladies. I have already given Dimitri his gift.”

“Yes, my chin is still tingling.” Dimitri rubbed his jaw—was it redder than usual?

“Some kind of alchemical beard-removal potion?” I guessed.

“Potion?” Zoltan’s eyes flared with indignation behind his lenses. “As I have informed you on numerous occasions, I am not a witch stirring a cauldron. I am an alchemist, and I create formulas, tinctures, lotions, and occasionally essences.”

“It was an essence that exfoliated my face,” Dimitri informed me. “With the gentleness of sandpaper.”

“Real men do not want gentle skin-care products,” Zoltan said. “They want effective ones. Your pores are radiant now.”

“Thanks.”

I eyed Zoltan’s canisters, having no wish to be exfoliated by sandpaper. Nobody would. Or so I thought.

Gondo stepped up to Zoltan. “How much for the radiant skin-pore essence?”

“Twenty dollars,” Zoltan said without missing a beat and pulled out a small vial. Nothing was written on the label yet. Maybe it had been meant as a sample for people to try.

Gondo dug into six different pockets, withdrawing rumpled dollars and coins from each. He placed it all on the floor, counted carefully, then dumped the appropriate amount into Zoltan’s hands and took the vial. He skipped over to my side.

“Are pores problematic for goblins?” I asked him.

He smiled and pulled a pen out of his pocket. “One of the goblins out at the elven sanctuary has been teasing me mercilessly lately for becoming a city goblin, even though he’s the one who’s adopted strange human habits. Such as rubbing deodorant under his armpits.”

“That is strange.”

“Very.” Gondo wrote deodorant on the label and slipped it into his pocket. “I look forward to visiting him on his upcoming birthday and delivering this gift.”

Zoltan walked around the room, giving his small canisters to all of the women present. Nin and Willard accepted theirs with murmurs of thank you but with skeptical expressions. Zoltan also handed them pencils and little squares of paper.

“This is an anti-wrinkle cream,” he said, “which I know that all ladies appreciate, at least those who are not undead and therefore freed from the unpleasant rigors of aging. Please write down any experiences you have while using this product and return your notes to me.”

“What kind of experiences are we likely to have?” I asked. “Besides the smoothing of wrinkles?”

“That’s the ideal outcome, but if there are any side effects, I would like to know.”

“This isn’t, by chance, your first batch ever, is it?”

“The first that’s turned out well enough to share,” Zoltan said. “It’s a challenging formula.”

“It’s a formula, not an essence?”

“Correct.”

“Is your alchemist turning us into test subjects?” Willard asked me.

“It’s probably hard to find lab rats and monkeys in Seattle,” I said.

“Actually, it’s not,” Zoltan said. “But their fur makes it difficult to test skin products on them without extensive shaving. I am not interested in keeping bald rats in my lab.”

“But furry rats would be okay?” Dimitri asked.

“Neither are ideal. Animals must be fed and their cages cleaned. It’s all rather tedious. Besides, I have test subjects.” He smiled and spread his hand toward us. “Oh, and be careful about where you store my product. It should be kept at room temperature, not next to candles or other heating elements, such as dragons.”

“Zoltan…” I frowned at him. “Is your formula explosive?”

“One of the ingredients is flammable, but it only makes up a tiny percentage of the formula. Spontaneous combustion is unlikely.”

Unlikely but not impossible. Great.

“I’d chuck this gift into the fireplace,” Willard murmured, “but I wouldn’t want to blow up your house on Christmas Eve.”

“My house appreciates that.” I set the canister down well away from the fireplace as I knelt to put kindling in.

Meanwhile, Dimitri turned on the TV and fired up one of his video games. Let the festivities begin.

Nin came over to help me with the fire. “I am not certain that Zoltan understands the concept of gifts.”

“You know scientists.” I stuffed rumpled newspaper into my stack of kindling and grabbed the fire starter. “We’re all just test subjects to them.”

“At first, I felt bad that I had not thought to bring him a gift.”

“But you’re over that now?”

“Yes.”

I looked over at Nin. “How come you didn’t go up to Whistler with Thad?” I assumed he had invited her now that they were dating and spending nights together regularly. “Did he ask you to? And were you too much of a workaholic to take four days off from your food truck?”

“He did, and I am, but I also did not wish to interfere with their family tradition.”

“You were worried Amber would be grouchy the whole time if you came?” I hoped Amber hadn’t said anything surly to Nin. They’d been getting along fairly well since our adventure in the fae realm.

“A little, but I also do not know how to ski. I did not want to intrude on their time together. Thad did give me a gift before they left.” She smiled shyly over at me.

“Another rice maker?”

“No, I did not need a second one. The RiceMaster 57155 fulfills my needs.”

“That’s good. What’d he get you then? Not jewelry, I trust.”

“No.” She lowered her voice and leaned close. “Sexy lingerie.”

“Oh, good. Er, it doesn’t have dragons or castles or anything geeky on it, does it?”

“No, it is lacy and purple like my hair.” Nin lifted her eyebrows. “Did he once get you castle underwear?”

“No, not Thad. But recently, Zav got me dragon underwear. He found boxers with a black dragon on it, and he altered it to have violet eyes.”

Nin looked far more concerned than intrigued. My initial reaction to the gift had been similar.

“Are they… sexy?”

“He thinks they are, but they’re not even women’s underwear. He doesn’t know the difference. Why would he? He doesn’t wear any himself.”

“Maybe you should get him sexy underwear.”

“I’m afraid it’s a gift that would never be used.” I made my voice deeper and haughtier in an imitation of his. “One does not wear underwear with an elven mage robe.”

Nin giggled.

As we finished with the fire, I sensed Zav flying back to the house.

I stood, about to ask him how the meat acquisition had gone, when my phone buzzed. Surprised someone was texting on Christmas Eve—especially when almost everyone I knew was here—I pulled it out.

I’d call the police if I thought they could arrest a dragon, Thad messaged.

Uh, what?

I want Amber back by eleven. Midnight at the latest. Teenagers need their beauty rest.

It was only when Zav landed in the front yard and I sensed a second familiar aura next to his that the meaning of Thad’s words clicked.

He picked her up? I texted, heading to the curtains to peer out.

He kidnapped her. I did not give my permission, and I would have kicked his ass if he hadn’t said it was because he needed a dead-religious-leader present for you.

You’ve never kicked anyone’s ass in your life, Thad. A dragon would be a bad person to start with.

So he told me. Merry Christmas, Val.

Thanks.

Zav and Amber were the yard, and he’d returned to his human form. She shot indecipherable looks over her shoulder at him as she headed up the steps to the door.

I grimaced, worried she would be irked at having been kidnapped and dragged—flown—here. What if they’d been playing games or something fun and she thought coming here would be the opposite of fun? I opened the door, intending to apologize. As much as I appreciated Zav wanting to get me a gift—and I couldn’t think of one I’d rather have—he had the diplomatic skills of an axe murderer.

Rocket woofed as Amber walked in, then ran over, tail wagging. There was still a goblin riding on his back. Ugh, Amber was right. Our Christmas was weird.

“Hey, Mom. Your flying Uber is lit.”

“I… Is that Zav?”

Amber rolled her eyes. “You’re not at your swiftest tonight. Have you been drinking?”

“Unfortunately not. Though I do have an anti-inflammatory turmeric-powder tea to try.”

“Weird.” Amber handed me a box. “This is from me and Dad.”

I blinked, more startled that she didn’t seem annoyed to have been brought down than that she’d brought me a gift.

“It’s a cheesy snow globe from the gift shop at Whistler. We were going to give it to you next week, but I guess this works.” Amber shrugged and eyed the goblin riding Rocket around the living room, then my eclectic assortment of guests, including Zoltan in his tinted goggles, and Maggie meowing from atop the bookcase. “So weird.” Amber pointed at the TV. “Is that the new Legend of Zelda?”

“I think so. You’ll have to wrest the controller away from your grandmother if you want to play.”

“I’m a sword fighter now. I can take on Grandma.”

“Is that so?” Mom asked.

“You know she packs heat, right?” I asked.

“At Christmas dinner?”

“It’s a dangerous neighborhood.”

“Especially the part that’s in your house.”

I looked over at the anti-wrinkle formula. “That’s possibly true.”

Amber shooed a goblin out of the way and plopped down on the couch with Mom.

Zav strode in and slung an arm around my shoulder. Your gift, my mate. I endured the words of your mouthy, sarcastic offspring to fly her here to be with you. Also, your inferior former mate threatened to prong me with a long narrow stick.

A ski pole, I’m guessing. I leaned into Zav, touched that he’d flown all the way up to Whistler and back. I’m surprised Amber was willing to come with you. You didn’t have to magically compel her, did you?

Certainly not. I am a dragon lord and the son of a queen. I am skilled in diplomacy.

Your idea of diplomacy is challenging people who disagree with you to duels.

That is not the only tool in my tool cave. He considered me. Did I get that human saying correct?

More or less. How did you convince her to come?

She expects you to give her a gift of two hundred dollars.

You bribed my daughter to come spend Christmas Eve with me?

I did. I have seen you employ this tactic on her.

That’s… technically true. Teenagers require a special kind of diplomacy.

One that demands human currency.

Yeah. Thank you. You’re an excellent mate.

I know this.

I smiled and kissed him.

“Ew,” Amber said. “That’s going to cost you an extra hundred.”

“Hundred?” Willard had coaxed her cat off the bookcase and was sitting and stroking her.

“Amber objects to displays of passion,” I said, deciding not to explain the bribe.

“Wait until she sees the goblin sex ornament,” Dimitri muttered.

“I thought you hid that under the heat register,” I muttered back.

“It wouldn’t fit.”

“Ornament?” Amber asked.

“Never mind,” all the adults in the room said together.