New Star Kingdom Bonus Story: Valentine’s Day

It’s true that I’ve been working on fantasy projects these past few months, but I haven’t forgotten about my Star Kingdom friends. I’m working on a new novel set in that world (it will feature new heroes, but we’ll get a few visits from old familiars), and in the meantime, I thought you might enjoy a little bonus story.

This story is definitely absolutely for people who have read the whole series and the novella, “The Main Event.” (That’s a newsletter bonus that you can get by signing up here: https://lindsayburoker.com/book-news/fallenempire/.) You can also check the Amazon series page to see if you missed any of the novels.

In other words: big time spoilers. This takes place a few months after Book 8 (Layers of Force).

Oh, and by the way, Book 8 comes out in audiobook this Tuesday, so check that out if you’re an ears-only person (https://www.audible.com/pd/Layers-of-Force-Audiobook/1774248417).

Okay, now that you’ve been warned about the spoilers…

Here’s the story!

 

Valentine’s Day

David Lichtenburg—formerly the infamous mercenary Tenebris Rache and currently the aspiring superhero the Main Event—wasn’t expecting any visitors to his new apartment. He’d recently changed residences from a drab, windowless dwelling under a parking garage to a loft above a textiles factory, and the only person he’d told his new address to was Kim Sato. She never visited him unannounced, even though he’d implied more than once that she was welcome to do so. But she preferred to schedule their dates in advance and always arrived precisely on time, even if that meant standing outside the door for two minutes before activating the chime.

Thus he was surprised when he walked into the wood-floored loft and found someone sitting on his black couch. He drew his stunner before realizing he recognized the back of the man’s head, the brown hair identical in color to his own, if more tousled.

“The master of the domicile has returned,” Amit—the formidable six-and-a-half-foot-tall crusher that Casmir had given Rache months earlier—announced. He stood opposite the couch where he’d apparently been conversing with this intruder.

Casmir stood up and faced Rache, his smile and wave faltering only slightly when he saw the stunner. “This might be a bad time to shoot me. I’ve recently returned from a diplomatic mission in System Stymphalia, and I’m still reacquainting my body, and in particular my stomach, to Odin’s gravity. It’s left me a touch queasy.”

“You can’t throw up on my floor. I just moved in.”

“Then you can’t shoot me. Logic.”

“How did you find this place?” Rache holstered the stunner and pulled off the mask and hood he wore in public. Most of the Twelve Systems thought Tenebris Rache was dead; he preferred to keep it that way. “And why did you presume to let yourself in?”

“I permitted Casmir Dabrowski to enter,” Amit said. “He knocked on the door and is not on the list of people you gave me that are forbidden entrance.”

“That must have been an oversight.”

“Had you kept me with you,” Amit said, his deadpan voice managing to convey impressive admonition, “when you went to turn in the criminals you collected, I would not have been here to misinterpret your door-opening desires.”

“I let you help me capture them. Wasn’t that enough?” Rache had found Amit useful—though he wouldn’t admit that with his maker, Casmir, watching on—but the crusher had a garrulous streak that Rache needed a break from now and then.

“It was satisfying to have thieves bounce off my chest and squeal in alarm when they encountered my sturdy magnificence,” Amit said.

Casmir’s eyebrows rose.

“Yes, another of your crushers is developing a quirky personality,” Rache told him. “I blame you.”

“Huh.” Casmir scratched his jaw. “I’d always assumed Zee developed his interesting quirkiness as a result of being in close proximity to my interesting quirkiness. After all, the crushers were programmed to learn from and adapt to their surroundings. I would have assumed Amit would be influenced by your personality and thus be rather, ah, dry and acerbic.”

“I interact often with Zee,” Amit said. “And, in an attempt to better assist the Main Event, I have been reading foundational material related to his new career.”

“Comic books,” Rache said.

“Oh, really?” Casmir brightened. “That’s an excellent choice for foundational material.”

“I feel fulfilled by stopping crime,” Amit said, “and am proud when I contribute to the Main Event’s success.”

“That’s good. Rache, you should be pleased to see me.” Casmir bowed. He hadn’t picked up the habit of calling Rache by his birth name, but after ten years, Rache still thought of himself by the nom de guerre he’d chosen, so he could hardly blame Casmir. “I’ve come to make sure you’re prepared for tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?” Rache had a dinner date with Kim—technically, they were having food delivered to her home, so he wouldn’t have to attempt to dine while wearing a mask—but that was a weekly occurrence, so shouldn’t have any significance to Casmir.

“It’s Valentine’s Day, and you are, however much it continues to disturb me, in a romantic relationship with my roommate. Since she is dead set on finding you appealing, I will not stand in the way. In fact, I’m here to help you. I have a hunch that you haven’t purchased a gift for Kim yet, so I came to take you shopping. As her longtime roommate, I know her well, and will be an excellent resource for you to consult. And because I’m considerate, I waited until nightfall, the preferred time of day for those wishing to remain incognito.” Casmir pointed toward the window, though the blinds were drawn so no snooping police drones would see inside as they cruised through the city.

“Your warm approval of our relationship fills me with feelings of gratitude.”

“See, dry and acerbic.” Casmir smiled at Amit.

“Kim and I discussed Valentine’s Day and agreed that it is a foolish holiday. Given all of the historically significant holidays we could have imported from Old Earth, it’s a true waste. We also agreed not to exchange gifts.”

“Yet you’re going to have a dinner date?”

“There’s nothing she doesn’t tell you, is there?”

“I’ve asked that she keep details of your relationship to a minimum, but since she requested that I visit Oku in the castle tomorrow night, I assumed it was because she planned to entertain.”

“We always have dinner on Sunday nights. I’ll be purchasing delivery from Schnitzel Schloss.”

“You’re buying? I suppose that’s a gift of sorts.”

“It’s my turn.”

“Meaning she buys half the time and you buy half the time?” Casmir asked.

“I would be happy to financially support her, but she insists on an equitable relationship.”

“Then your purchase of dinner can’t count as a Valentine’s Day gift.”

“I hadn’t intended it to. I already told you: we’re not exchanging gifts.” Rache squinted at him. “Unless she got me something after we agreed we would not partake in this foolish holiday. She didn’t, did she? Kim is straightforward and honest. She doesn’t play games.”

“While I believe that to be true, it is possible she was moved by a spontaneous impulse. Perhaps I shouldn’t share this private intelligence, but there is a large flat gift wrapped and stashed away in the kitchen cabinet behind her coffee station.”

Rache swore.

“I hope that won’t be your reaction when she gives it to you.”

“Are you sure it’s for me? Was there a name card? How large is large? Is it a book? Or a box? Did you shake it?”

“Really, Rache. I don’t rattle other people’s gifts. How much of a snoop do you think I am?”

“You found her secret stash behind the coffee maker that you don’t use. I know you live completely on fizzop and other teeth-rotting beverages.”

“True—thank goodness for modern dental technology—but I happened to be placing some imported coffee beans from Stymphalia in her cabinet for her to try. I saw them during my visit and thought she would enjoy them. Also, while I was away, she was kind enough to bring in my mail and fill the water reservoir for the plants that Oku gave me. Societal conventions dictated that I bring Kim a thank-you gift. Just as they dictate you give her a gift tomorrow for your Valentine’s Day dinner.”

“It’s not a Valentine’s Day dinner. It’s our regular Sunday night dinner.”

“That happens to be on Valentine’s Day, at which point, as the wrapped package in her cabinet suggests, she’ll be giving you a gift.”

Rache fought down the urge to swear again. He supposed he should be thankful Casmir had come. If his intelligence could be relied upon, and Kim had purchased a gift, Rache would feel awkward not having anything but schnitzel to give her in return.

“Where do you suggest we shop?” Knowing of her coffee passion, Rache usually got Kim gifts related to it, but if Casmir, her mere roommate, had given her a coffee gift, didn’t that mean Rache should get her something more romantic? Or at least more original?

“You’re asking for my opinion on that?”

“The last time I seriously dated—” Rache didn’t mention Thea, even though, thanks to Kim’s bestselling novel based on their adventures, the entire universe now knew the name of his once-fiancée that King Jager had killed, “—the lady enjoyed receiving jewelry and flowers, as many normal women do, but Kim is a scientist.”

“And therefore not normal?” Casmir’s eyes twinkled.

“She’s admitted she’s a challenging woman to have a relationship with and appreciates that I am not swayed by that.”

His eyes twinkled even brighter. “I’m sure she finds you challenging too.”

Rache showed his maturity by not punching him. “That is likely. But she understands me well and knows what I like. The short stories she’s written are my favorite gifts, but I understand those are a lot of effort for her, and she’s very busy right now. She’s catching up on the months of work she missed last year.”

“The large flat gift didn’t look like a short story.”

Rache gripped his chin thoughtfully. If Kim truly had gotten him something, Casmir was right. He needed to reciprocate. “Kim prefers practical gifts to frivolous ones. Unfortunately, she hasn’t mentioned any equipment needs related to her hobbies or work that would be obvious choices for presents.”

“That’s too bad. Nothing says love like a microbiological incubator or a portable externally heated autoclave.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No. I’m taking you to the night market. There’s a store that specializes in gifts for science lovers.”

“Did you buy a gift for Oku there?”

“No.” Casmir beamed a smile at him. “I made her an ambulatory solar-powered robotic collector that gathers the castle’s kitchen scraps and lawn clippings and turns them into rich fertile compost for her greenhouse, all within twenty-four hours.”

“Romantic.”

“She thought so.”

“She truly prefers your… craft projects to store-bought presents?”

“Women like it when you put thought and elbow grease into a gift.” Casmir looked curiously at him and then around the apartment, perhaps noting the lack of tools and projects denoting elbow grease. “Do you know how to make anything?”

“I’ve made many things. I’m a talented man.”

Casmir’s eyebrows rose.

“Last year, I welded metal scrap into a new bolt for a Starstrider 487 rifle while taking cover from enemy fire in a vehicle garage. And I’ve repaired my own combat armor dozens of times. Tell me that isn’t talented.”

“I don’t think firearms and armor are appropriate for Valentine’s Day. Perhaps something that inspires feelings of love and adoration instead of fear?”

“Like what?”

“A boy in my colleague’s daughter’s class made her a heart by gluing dried macaroni pasta onto construction paper.”

“I don’t think that would move Kim to ardor.”

“Ew.” The distressed twist of Casmir’s mouth suggested he didn’t want to hear about his roommate’s ardor. “Let’s just go to the science store.”

“As you wish,” Rache said. “It’s too bad that physical newspapers aren’t printed anymore. There have been a few write-ups of the escapades of the Main Event. They’re usually loathsome and get the facts all wrong—half the time, they insinuate that I’m colluding with villains—but someone got a decent photo and did a halfway decent story last month. Naturally I was wearing my mask and combat armor, so it didn’t identify me, but it was a good action shot. If it hadn’t only been on the network, I could have cut it out and had it framed and signed it for her.”

“A signed photograph of yourself? You don’t think that’s a touch vain?”

Rache shrugged. “She likes the Main Event ruse. Even if you came up with it, and I’m not convinced that it’s not ridiculous. She likes the idea of me helping innocent people and thwarting villains.”

“We all think it’s a nice turnaround from your previous career where you did the opposite.”

“I did occasionally help people as Rache, you know.”

“It’s not really helping if you’re being paid a hundred thousand Union dollars to do it.”

“You’re an idealist, Casmir.”

“But I’m still going to take you shopping.” Casmir thrust his arm toward the door to lead the way.

Rache shook his head but followed him.

“Will Zee be joining us?” Amit asked.

“I had to leave him at the castle,” Casmir said.

Rache frowned. “You’re a public figure now. You shouldn’t wander about without a bodyguard.”

“Why would I need a bodyguard when I’ll be walking side-by-side with a burgeoning superhero?”

“Because your bodyguard likes you more than I do.”

“Is that true? I thought I was growing on you.”

“I don’t fantasize about strangling you as much anymore, but Zee is completely devoted to you.”

“He is a good crusher. That’s why he couldn’t come. Oku’s dog Chasca missed him while we were gone in another system, and since Zee is determined to help me successfully woo Oku, he is spending time with the dog now.”

“A dog missed a crusher?” Amit asked. “Canines usually bark at me when I go by. They are oddly hostile toward our kind. I believe it is because we are shaped like humans but neither smell nor look like humans.”

“Chasca also did not adore Zee at first sight,” Casmir said. “But he turns himself into furnishings and modulates his surface tension so he’s comfortable enough to sleep on.”

Rache stared at Casmir. “Are you saying that your dedicated bodyguard and supersoldier robot couldn’t come shopping with you because he’s being a bed for the queen’s dog?”

“A couch actually.”

“He really is completely devoted to you,” Rache muttered.

***

Kim was at home catching up on a few articles of interest in the latest Frontier of Bacteriology and Virology when the door chime rang. Since Casmir and Zee weren’t around, she went to answer it herself, though not until checking the newly installed cameras to make sure it wasn’t another reporter or paparazzi wanting to harass them. Casmir was a hot commodity now—less, Kim gathered, because he’d saved the world from hostile astroshamans and AI and more because he was dating Queen Oku. Unfortunately, she’d garnered some fame of her own by publishing what had become an extremely popular novel. In retrospect, she should have created another pen name for the project.

Their friend Qin stood on the threshold. With relief, Kim opened the door and waved her inside. A couple of drones hovering by the zindi tree snapped photographs, their flashes brightening the yard, before she could close it again.

“Good evening, Qin.”

“Hi, Kim.” Qin grinned and waved. Her young face and bright eyes were always a startling contrast to her six-foot-plus muscular build, genetically enhanced by feline attributes that included fangs, pointed ears, and the ability to spring twenty yards to destroy enemies with her retractable claws. “Sorry to drop by unexpectedly, but Asger’s made plans for us to go on a three-day star cruise down to the Southern Hemisphere to see waterfalls and jungles and lots of neat geological sites for Valentine’s Day. I need to pick up his gift.”

“Of course. I hid it behind my espresso maker so Casmir wouldn’t stumble across it and blab about it to Asger.”

“Oh, good. Casmir is a blabber.”

“Tell me about it.” Kim retrieved the gift from the kitchen.

“I appreciate you keeping it for me. We’ve done a lot of remodeling to our new tree-house home, but it’s relatively small, and there aren’t a lot of secret nooks or cabinets to tuck things into.”

“I understand. Here you are. I hope your gift exchange goes well.”

“I’m sure it will.” Qin winked. “I got him a calendar.”

That seemed an odd choice. Kim was not an expert when it came to gift giving, knowing only that her preference for functional and practical presents tended to puzzle the people she gave them to. She was relieved that she and Rache had agreed that holidays such as the looming Valentine’s Day were silly societal constructs and that one should not feel compelled to expend time acquiring gifts for them. It was much better if they occasionally purchased gifts—or wrote stories—for each other out of a genuine desire to please each other, and only as the whim struck them.

“A calendar will be suitably romantic?” Kim wouldn’t have asked, but Qin was looking expectantly at her, as if she wanted Kim to inquire about it.

“I think so. And it’ll be funny, because he once gave me a calendar. It starred himself when he was a few years younger, posing nearly nude in scenic places all around your capital.”

“I have some memory of this event.” Mostly, Kim remembered Casmir sharing Asger’s choice with her while smacking a palm to his forehead.

“It was a strange gift. At the time, we weren’t romantically involved, and I didn’t know what to think of it. Bonita was far more intrigued by it, though now that she and Bjarke are romantically involved, she doesn’t come into my cabin to admire it on the wall as often.”

“You kept it? And, ah, hung it in your cabin?”

“It seemed like the right thing to do for a gift. And Asger is an attractive man. Though I was a little alarmed when I saw the calendar in a laundromat here in the capital. It was one of several featuring naked men. I’d known, of course, that the calendar had been mass-produced, but until that moment, I didn’t quite grasp the ramifications.”

“Naked Asger is hanging in a laundromat?”

“Nearly naked Asger, yes. There are strategically placed mailboxes and fern fronds and the like in each scene.”

Kim was relieved she’d never seen this calendar. And that their rental cottage included its own laundry appliances, so she needn’t risk stumbling into that establishment.

“Asger was embarrassed when I told him about the spotting,” Qin said. “He’s matured since he was doing the modeling work. That was mostly to irk his father, and because he wanted attention.”

“I see. And this is…” Kim extended a hand toward Qin’s wrapped gift. She hadn’t purchased the version from the laundromat to ensure it was taken down, had she?

“Bonita helped me take some photographs of myself in scenic places behind strategically placed things. At first, the idea horrified me, and my cheeks were pink through the whole experience, but she promised me Asger would find it extremely pleasing. I mostly agreed because I thought it would be funny, but Bonita said…” Qin bit her lip and lowered her voice. “She said he would be aroused, and we’d have a really good night.”

Kim found this whole story perplexing, as it sounded like an only slightly more sophisticated way to send nude photos to each other across the network, but she supposed some couples did do that. Fortunately, Rache, if he had ever been moved to send her a photo of himself behind a fern frond, had resisted the urge. Even though his physique was attractive, she found the espresso machine he’d given her quite romantic and infinitely more practical than nude photos.

“I hope it has the desired effect,” Kim said, keeping any judgment out of her tone. Qin looked embarrassed, making Kim wonder why she had struck up the conversation on the topic.

“Thanks. Me too.” Qin hugged the gift to her chest and stepped toward the door. “I hope you and the person nobody is supposed to know is alive also have a good evening tomorrow.”

“We will enjoy our dinner date.”

“Good. Thanks again for keeping this for me. Say hi to Casmir and Zee for me.” Qin waved and let herself out.

As Kim was shutting the door, a message from Casmir came in via her chip.

Greetings, Kim. How would you feel about a shower curtain with the periodic table of elements on it?

We already have a shower curtain with a robot on it that I have to feign indifference to.

Yes, but I’ll be taking that with me if I one day move out. You’ll need a replacement.

As far as I know, the only place you’re likely to move is into the castle with Oku.

I don’t want to jinx things, but that is a possibility.

You can’t possibly take a goofy cartoon robot shower curtain and hang it in the two-thousand-year-old historically significant castle of the ruler of the entire Star Kingdom.

Why not?

Kim rubbed her forehead as dozens of reasons popped into her mind. Oku must be an even more tolerant woman than she was. She settled on: It doesn’t match anything there.

Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get the tissue box cover and toothbrush holder that goes with it.

Casmir, I don’t want a periodic-table-of-elements shower curtain.

Are you sure?

I’m positive.

How about a nightlight that’s a small aquarium filled with living single-celled plankton that glow with bioluminescent light in the dark?

She grimaced and headed back to the kitchen table, planning to return to reading. Casmir, you’re not shopping for another gift for me, are you? The coffee was quite nice and more than enough. It wasn’t that much work to water your plants.

No, I’m making these inquiries on behalf of a friend.

What friends do you have that feel I’m in need of a gift? I really don’t— Kim halted in the doorway to the kitchen. You’re not with Rache, are you?

Why would I be with Rache? He’s surly and a grump.

He’s not getting me a Valentine’s Day present, is he? She gripped the doorjamb, imagining Rache awkwardly giving her a gift of a shower curtain. He wouldn’t truly let Casmir help him shop for a gift, would he? And why was he looking for one anyway? They’d agreed not to exchange gifts.

No, no, of course not. Forget I said anything. Have a good night!

You’re a horrible liar, Casmir.

He sent back a winky face.

Kim groaned. Her dinner date with Rache was less than a day away. Now she had to come up with a gift for him, or she would feel like a heel when he presented whatever awful thing Casmir talked him into buying. No, Rache would come up with a good gift. She was certain of it. He had much better taste than Casmir. But that only made things worse. That meant she had to come up with something good for him.

“I hate social conventions,” she growled.

***

Casmir had intended to help Rache find a suitable present and have a successful Valentine’s Day evening with Kim, but as they walked out of the sixth store in the shopping complex empty-handed, he feared he had made the situation worse. Rache was always moody and taciturn, but he’d seemed glummer and glummer with each failure to find something appropriate for a not-normal scientist. Amit had attempted to offer suggestions, but Rache had grown tired of all the nattering, and told him to go visit Zee in the castle and learn how to turn himself into a couch.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the presents-for-science-lovers store?” Casmir asked as they headed into the parking lot.

“No.”

“I think Kim would be enjoy a beaker-inspired coffee mug with the molecule for caffeine on it.”

“She’s a bacteriologist, not a chemist.”

“Trust me. Kim knows what a caffeine molecule looks like.”

Rache gave him a flat look. At least Casmir assumed it was a flat look. He still put on a mask anytime he went out in public, so it was hard to tell. The choice was understandable, but it probably drew more attention and odd looks than if he’d opted for a beard, mustache, and a hat. Or some eyeglasses. Thousands of years of comic literature promised that superheroes could go incognito simply by donning or removing eyeglasses. Oh, well. At least Casmir had talked him out of wearing his combat armor to the market.

“What about the cell-biology board game?” Casmir asked. “You get to collect proteins, lipids, carbohydrates, and DNA to build enzymes, hormones, and receptors while competing for points against friends and family. Who wouldn’t adore that?”

“That would be a gift for you, not Kim. She doesn’t play games.”

“Little do you know that I’ve convinced her to play board games no fewer than three times over the years.”

“Were those three times all when the power went out?”

“The power and the public network.” Casmir glanced up as a shuttle flew over them. Coming in to land and shop, he assumed, but all of their running lights were out. That was strange. “We get some epic storms living this close to the coast.”

“You’re not as helpful as you think you are. I don’t know what the senate was thinking when they made you a diplomat and an advisor.”

“I’m a fabulous diplomat and advisor to people who aren’t surly grumps and can appreciate what I can offer.” The shuttle came down with surprising swiftness and landed ten yards in front of them, blocking their route. “That’s not a permissible parking spo—”

“Move,” Rache barked and shoved him behind ground van as the shuttle door slammed open and four armored men leaped out.

Startled, Casmir let himself be shoved, not that he could have resisted Rache’s cybernetically enhanced manhandling. He caught himself on the van and managed to keep from pitching to the pavement.

“There he is! Dabrowski!”

They were here for him?

Stunned, Casmir barely managed to keep from poking his head out to see who these thugs were. But weapons fire opened up as Rache charged toward the armored men, and crimson DEW-Tek bolts buzzed through the parking lot. One ricocheted off the hull of the van scant inches from Casmir’s head.

“Get his bodyguard first,” someone shouted.

Was that Rache? Casmir had been joking when he’d said Rache would protect them if there was trouble. He hadn’t expected trouble, not in the middle of the capital in a public shopping center fewer than two miles from the castle.

More weapons fired. Casmir swore, touching his hip, but he didn’t have his tool bag or anything that might have been used as a weapon. And he’d talked Rache out of wearing his armor.

A grunt sounded, followed by something crashing into a vehicle. One of the armored thugs, Casmir hoped, and not Rache.

Footsteps pounded off to his side. One of the men had to be running behind the row of parked vehicles to try to avoid Rache and get to him.

Casmir dropped to his stomach and belly crawled under the van. As he scooted between the tires and prepared to roll out on the far side, he spotted boots. Their owner sprang around the back of the van, landing in the spot Casmir had been a second ago.

Cursing under his breath, Casmir crawled out on the far side, then rolled under the next vehicle over, a boxy car with a puddle under it. He grimaced as he squirmed through it, preparing to continue crawling under parked vehicles until he was close enough to the shuttle to do something. He couldn’t fight, but maybe he could identify the enemy craft on the network, hack into its navigation computer, and sabotage it.

He ran out of vehicles to crawl under before he got to the shuttle and had to stop a few yards away. The door was still open, and four more armored men with weapons hopped out. The other four were battling Rache, who had his back to a flyer as he kicked and punched, hurling men who should have had the advantage over him across the parking lot. Even without his armor or a rifle, he was a formidable force.

It occurred to Casmir to send a call to the police, but before he’d formed a message in his mind, another thought came to him. A brilliant thought. He immediately started recording Rache kicking the bad guys’ butts. Casmir had no idea who these people were, but the fact that they’d come to attack him ensured they were bad guys.

As Casmir recorded Rache kicking people, hurling them twenty feet across the pavement, and tearing their weapons out of their grips and bending them in half to destroy them, he also located their shuttle’s navigation computer on the public network. It was a rental craft from an outfit in the capital. Casmir could have gotten into its unsophisticated computer without any hacking tools, but since he’d so often found himself pitted against enemies this past year, he had all manner of tools loaded on his chip.

As two men stomped around the parked vehicles, searching for Casmir as their buddies tried unsuccessfully to deal with his “bodyguard,” Casmir lay belly down in another puddle, recording Rache and gaining control of the shuttle. Ah, yes. He had it now.

Rache ducked a burst of weapons fire that shattered windows on the flyer behind him, then roared and hurled one of his foes into the hull of the shuttle. The two men left facing him backed away, glancing uneasily at each other.

“Retreat!” someone yelled.

As the two men spun away from Rache, the two who’d been searching the aisles for Casmir also gave up and ran toward the shuttle. Casmir ordered it to rise twenty feet into the air. Curses wafted from the driver’s seat inside.

The four men who’d been sprinting toward the shuttle to escape also cursed, but they adjusted quickly, and ran as a pack toward the exit of the parking lot. Normally, Casmir would have been willing to let people attacking him go, but he decided to catch a couple of them so the police could question them when they arrived. This might be part of some larger scheme that also targeted Oku or the crown in general.

Humming softly to himself, Casmir directed the shuttle to fly after the men. If they hadn’t been wearing armor, he wouldn’t have considered this tactic, but since they were well protected, he didn’t feel too bad when he brought the shuttle down abruptly on top of them. He had to lift it up and slam it down a couple of times before he managed to pin all four of them under it.

“Hah,” he whispered in triumph as the parking lot fell silent.

The rest of the men had either escaped or been knocked unconscious. When a new set of boots came into view, they belonged to Rache.

“You’re the only person I know who can fight crime while cowering under a van in a puddle.” Despite the mocking tone, Rache lowered a hand to help him up.

“If that’s true, you don’t know nearly enough computer nerds.” Casmir rolled out and accepted the hand up.

“Few of their kind have ever gravitated toward me.”

“Odd.”

“Yes.”

Casmir ended the recording and smirked at Rache. “I think I know what you’re getting Kim.”

“Not the periodic-table shower curtain,” Rache said warily.

“Nah. Better.”

***

On Valentine’s Day evening, Rache arrived at Kim’s cottage with a small square box wrapped in green paper with a red ribbon tied around it. After waffling that morning, he’d ordered the caffeine-molecule mug from the market. Casmir had promised he would have the perfect present delivered on Rache’s behalf, but Rache didn’t trust that Casmir had a clue what a perfect present was. Knowing him, it would be that dreadful shower curtain, delivered by a crusher wearing a bow tie.

He rang the chime, feeling oddly nervous as he waited. Even though he and Kim had been dating for a few months now, this change to their relationship paradigm left him uncertain. She’d always been honest with him, but for the first time, she’d said something different from what she meant, purchasing him a gift even though she’d claimed they should ignore the holiday conventions. Had she changed her mind after they’d spoken? Or had she deliberately led him astray so she could surprise him? He wasn’t opposed to surprises, but the misdirection was so unlike her that he didn’t know what to think.

Kim opened the door wearing a slinky dress that made thoughts of everything except what might happen after dinner drop out of his mind. His stoic scientist, who’d warned him from the beginning that she wasn’t crazy about physical contact, smiled warmly, wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him.

Startled, Rache almost dropped his gift on the stoop. But he recovered before the breakable mug could crack against the cement and returned the embrace and the kiss.

Several delightful moments passed before their lips parted, Kim drawing him inside and shutting the door.

“Thank you for the gift,” she said.

“Er?” Rache held up the box. “You haven’t opened it yet.”

A puzzled crease furrowed her brow. “Oh, you brought something else? That wasn’t necessary.”

“Else? Oh, did Casmir send over… the other thing already?” Rache had no idea what the other thing was and groped for clues. Thanks to his cloned genetic material, he supposedly had a superior intellect, but he had a feeling it was on vacation this weekend.

“The video of you saving his life in a parking lot last night? Yes.” Kim squeezed his hand and led him into the living room. “I would have been distraught to lose my roommate. He still pays half the rent, you know. Despite rarely being here.”

Was that what Casmir had sent as Rache’s Valentine’s Day gift? Footage he’d recorded while flat on his belly under a vehicle? Of Rache punching and kicking ill-trained enemies across a parking lot?

“I’m sure that you, bestselling novelist and esteemed bacteriologist working at a successful commercial biotech lab, would be destitute without his contribution.”

“Perhaps not, but I would miss him and would hate to have to tell his parents that he’d survived countless people trying to kill him all across this system and in several others last year only to die at home while on a shopping trip. I don’t even know why he was at the market so late. He’d already made his gift for Queen Oku.” Kim sat on the couch and patted the seat beside her.

“I trust the ambulatory composting robot was a hit,” Rache said, not wanting to admit that Casmir had only been wandering the city at night because he’d wanted to help him. It wasn’t as if Rache had asked for that help. Casmir was a compulsive do-gooder, whether people wanted his good or not.

“I believe so. Oku seems to find all of his robots cute. Even the crushers. It helps that Zee turns himself into a sofa for her dog.”

“That was, I understand, the reason Casmir was without a bodyguard last night.” Rache sat down next to her and clasped her hand. “Has he learned why those men attacked him?”

“Royal Intelligence is questioning them. The last I heard, it’s likely a kidnapping slash blackmail situation. Casmir is bemused that he now warrants the attention of Royal Intelligence, but that’s what happens when you accept a position in the nobility and take a job working for the crown. And when you’re dating the queen.”

“Kidnapping usually involves stunners and bags to throw over people’s heads. Those men had DEW-Tek rifles.”

“Maybe they assumed they would have to deal with crushers or bodyguards before getting to Casmir.” Kim’s eyes gleamed. “Imagine their surprise when they got the Main Event.”

Even though that goofy name, not to mention the superhero gig, had been Casmir’s idea, it warmed Rache’s heart that Kim actually approved of it. She wasn’t quite the do-gooder that Casmir was, but she believed in being a law-abiding Kingdom subject and making ethically sound choices. His previous employment—and his determination to take revenge on King Jager—had disturbed her. Rache had regretted that, but he’d set himself along that path long before he’d ever met her, and he hadn’t been willing to deviate. And he didn’t regret killing Jager or that ass Jorg. Kim might not admit it, but the Kingdom was in a much better place now without either of them in charge. Still, with his primary motivation for revenge gone, Rache had no qualms about assisting law enforcement to gather criminals. And if, as Casmir had suggested, a long list of heroics might possibly pave the way to a pardon for Rache one day, that was an appealing notion.

“Perhaps,” he said, handing her the mug to unwrap, “the Main Event will do some snooping later and see if he can use his unorthodox methods to learn more than Royal Intelligence about the event.”

“If you’re going to solve any crimes or capture any villains, you might want to notify a new citizen reporter who’s started covering your exploits. I believe she acquired footage of the parking lot event and is working on a new story.” Kim messaged him a link to this citizen reporter’s site on the public network.

Rache quirked an eyebrow as he scanned a story that had been posted the night before. It detailed an adventure he’d had the previous week, one where he’d captured smugglers who’d been raiding ships lined up and waiting for their turns on the launch loop. The general press hadn’t realized the Main Event had been responsible for that, only publishing a tiny story saying that some stolen cargos had been recovered. This new story thoroughly covered his exploits and gave him full credit.

“Interesting,” he said. “This citizen reporter’s name—Eva Clancularius—doesn’t match the name of any Kingdom subjects in the public database.”

“It must be a nom de plume.” Kim untied the ribbon and unwrapped the box.

“A nom de plume that means concealed or secret in Latin.”

“Fascinating.”

“Eva declares the criminals plaguing the capital as being as pernicious as Pseudomonas aeruginosa, taking advantage of the less than ideal police coverage in the city as it struggles to recover from two bombings and an abrupt transition of power.”

“What an excellent analogy.”

“Kim, do you, by chance, know anything about Pseudomonas aeruginosa?”

“Certainly. They are a gram-negative, rod-shaped bacterium, often called superbugs by the lay person, thanks to their resistance to typical antibiotics and ability to take down humans with weakened immune systems. Diagnosis is often determined by the vivid green mucus emanating from the nasal passages. This is a cute mug, thank you. A caffeine molecule. I like it.” She smiled at him, but it wasn’t as beaming a smile as he’d gotten at the door. Huh, Casmir truly had picked a good gift.

“I’m glad. I must say I’m fond of your gift as well. Eva.”

The smile turned into a smirk. “Excellent. I don’t have a lot of time, but I’ll do my best to make sure the facts, such as Eva can determine them, are shared on the network. You’ve mentioned in the past that the news reports on the Main Event have been egregious.”

“I believe half-assed is what I called it.”

“As a wordsmith, I feel compelled to translate coarse language into more literary terms.”

“Understandable. I do wonder…” Rache looked toward the kitchen. “Casmir mentioned that he’d accidentally—or through snooping—discovered a gift stashed away in your coffee cabinet.”

“That was Qin’s gift for Asger. She asked me to keep it here so he wouldn’t stumble across it early. Apparently, there isn’t a lot of storage space yet in their tree-house abode.”

“So… you didn’t actually get me a gift after saying we should ignore convention for this holiday and simply enjoy dinner together?”

“Not until Casmir said that you and he were shopping for a gift for me. Actually, he didn’t say that blatantly, but I could read between the lines. At that point, I didn’t have anything for you, since we did have the no-gift agreement. But when he sent over the footage of your heroic exploits in the parking lot, I had the urge to share the Main Event’s ongoing saga. And since I would prefer we not be linked in the public’s mind in any way—” Kim touched her chest and pointed to his “—I determined that a pen name would be the safest way. So Eva was born.”

“I adore Eva already, but let me get this clear. I only went shopping for a gift for you because Casmir said you’d already purchased a gift for me, and you only felt compelled to create a gift for me because Casmir dragged me shopping for a gift for you.”

“I believe that’s what happened, yes.”

“I must say I’m relieved that you’re exactly the woman I thought you were.” Rache stroked his chin. “Should we thank him for meddling or lecture him soundly?”

“We should probably tell him to make sure he snoops more thoroughly in the future and reads the name cards on gifts.” Kim smiled and kissed him. “Then we should thank him.”

“I suppose that’s acceptable.” Especially if following her suggestion would lead to more amorous activity after dinner. “Shall we dine, Ms. Clancularius?”

“That name doesn’t roll off the tongue, does it?”

“My Latin pronunciation could be at fault,” Rache said.

Kim considered that only briefly before nodding. “Yes.”

“Is that a yes to dinner or a yes to my Latin being execrable?”

She grinned. “Both.”

 

THE END