If you’ve been following along with my Dragon Blood series (excerpt of Book 1 here if you haven’t tried the books yet!), then this contest is for you.
One of our heroes (who may or may not be alive) lost his infamously hideous couch when his house was blown up in Book 3. In Book 6, a new couch was incinerated by a dragon before it crossed the threshold of his home. In Book 7 (assuming he’s alive), he’ll be receiving a new couch, a gift from his squadron of pilots. It’s very possible these pilots don’t have the best taste in furnishings, but I shall leave that up to you. The winning couch will find its way into the end of Book 7.
If you wish to enter this contest, please describe the new/old/refurbished couch that you think our stalwart hero should receive. Pictures are acceptable. Please post your entry in the comments and make sure to use an email address you check, so I can contact you if you’re the winner.
The winner will receive signed paperbacks of the first five Dragon Blood books.
Thanks for playing along!
Update 11/16/15: Thanks for the entries, everyone. I’ll be picking a winner in the next couple of days!
Winners Announced!
Thanks, everyone. We had some truly hideous recommendations (perfect!). I decided to go with a blend of Justin Sheard’s suggestion of a frame made from flier parts, and then I just had to use Derin Attwood’s line about, “the green you get when you squish caterpillars.” Sounds so perfectly awful!
Look for this couch in Soulblade, which is available for pre-order now and will be out on December 22nd.
Thanks!
Fainting couch! Fainting couch! Super-feminine (therefore funny for Ridge to receive) yet with plenty of opportunity for sexy times… Just ,ale sure the legs are sturdy and not too spindly!
Thanks for the opportunity to take part. Here is your couch.
It must be a chaise lounge, so he can lay the heroine he saves on it.
The material covering it is green, the green you get when you squish caterpillars, with purple edging, and grey fringing. The fringing is held on with yellow round-headed tacks.
On the back are a series of finials, each a different colour. Dark red, hospital yellow, puce, drunk tank pink, and bright florescent orange.
The legs, one side Queen Anne, the other square, (the squadron couldn’t decide) are studded with blue round-headed tacks.
The seat of the chaise has large red buttons dotted irregularly over it. Sadly these create lumps in inconvenient places, and being quite angular and pointy, create ghastly problems for anyone who happens to sit or lie on it.
Attached to the back is a large fan of feathers, various colours, because again, the squadron couldn’t agree. So three of blue, two are yellow and nine are various shades of brown.
I do hope your Prince enjoys the gift.
I did a search for “ugly sofas” and found this: http://cjonline.com/slideshow/2013-07-10/contest-ugly-couches#slide-1 (sorry–I couldn’t get the picture to copy). BUT the reason I chose it is not because it’s ugly. I chose it because of the shape of it–sturdy enough for *any* activity, with heavy-duty spindles that could be…useful. I think they would choose a plush, dragon scale-patterned, copper-coloured fabric to cover it with (to be both soft to the skin and to bring flyers to mind–they are pilots, after all), and perhaps the finials on the ends of the arms would be carved to look like dragon heads. So while some people might think it’s ugly, it doesn’t *have* to be….
The couch everyone owned.
Yes, my family got ours in my late teens. Most comfortable sleeping couch EVER–but pretty ugly.
Image from http://i.imgur.com/a2m4tlD.jpg.
We had something similar when I was a kid, except it had covered wagons on it instead of floral stuff. 😀
There is nothing quite so comfortable as a soft leather over stuffed couch. To recline on with my feet on the coffee table or to stretch out on and take a nap. I’m not a big fan of pillows on couches, but with my back, they are sometimes comfortable. The color should be a light brown with legs to keep it off the floor. It should be at least 30 inches from the ground, I find it hard to get up otherwise.
Dragon leather. Do dragon’s have leather? Fine, dragon scale then. Not comfy, perhaps, but it would be way more durable. And when you’re couch keeps getting destroyed, I’d think durability is a valuable characteristic.
Sounds dangerous to collect the scales. 😀 I suppose Morishtomaric isn’t in need of his anymore…
Thanks for the invite! I love the books and I think his squadron would be so happy to have him back (if he IS alive!) that they would pick a large, manly comfortable black leather couch designed to look like a flying dragon, in honor of his flyer. The back, center of the couch would have the eyes and head of the dragon “peaking” over while the wings would swoop around to form the back and arms of this large piece of furniture. The feet would be dragon claws. And if SOMEONE happened to add a waterproof cover to the seat, in honor of “Puddles,” they could get in a little ribbing while still honoring their beloved commander.
Hm, I wonder if having a dragon head looming over you would put you in the mood… or not… while enjoying your couch with a beloved. 😉
Ridge’s new couch, hmm?!…well, it would be gold colored leather. Bolth arms would be a copy of his dragon(the one that he carries around with him). The back would be the right and left wings of the arm rest dragons. The feet would of course be carved dragon feet. I would even have some throw pillows made to look like dragon eggs. Also, and most important, I would have a special sheath on either end for the third part of his relationship. Can’t leave her out of it, she would not forgive me I think, lol.
Some people get drink holders. Ridge gets sword sheaths. Poor guy. 😀
I think a futon would be a great next ugly couch! Couch by day, supposedly cozy bed by night. This pleather nightmare is something only someone with a complete lack of taste would love. Horrible to behold in both configurations. Lovingly known as the butterfly sofa bed.
[IMG]http://i68.tinypic.com/20kr5kw.jpg[/IMG]
[IMG]http://i65.tinypic.com/3338k7p.jpg[/IMG]
Grrr. Let me try that another way!
http://tinypic.com/r/20kr5kw/9
http://tinypic.com/r/3338k7p/9
My husband told me of a couch owned by a friend when they were young guys in their “bachelor pad.” It was covered in orange and green SHAG CARPET. Ugh. Needless to say, I couldn’t find a photo, but I Photoshopped one just to see what it would look like. Have a look 🙂
http://imgur.com/2914XZZ
The different colors of shag make that quite the marvel!
since they had no luck with couches I think he should get the black watch plaid couch that everyone hates it will always give them something to talk about and laugh about its a common bond between them all
The couch is long enough to sit three comfortably and was once plush with warm buttery leather that has unfortunately seen better days. Scuffs and small tears mar the couch cushions, rounded arms and high back. There is also a larger gash in the leather on the backside of the couch.
I can see a scene where someone(s) from the squadron rescuing the couch from commander’s office of the Magroth Mines, or a storage room where it had been moved once Ridge left his tour there. It mostly survived the attacks on the mines and was going to be tossed out. However, if the cushions are turned over and the back is put up against the wall, it’s still in good shape. Most importantly it’s comfy as “resting in your lover’s arms”. And there is always throwing a cover over it to hide the scratches, or those fancy little crocheted doily things to drape over the arms and back. Make it all fancy so Sardelle will like it more.
Knowing Raptor, Pimples and the rest of the gang the criteria they would choose to get a new couch for their General would be based around what they know and love. So the perfect couch (in their mind) would be a couch built from repurposed parts of this Dragon flier which he crash landed inear the mines. Sardelle would probably think it’s pretty ugly and Jaxi would remind Ridge of the fact that he crashed every time he sat down. Check the link below for what it would look like. Totally perfect… http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–62ojO9jU–/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/whobobmprnoxvnfctv7o.jpg
Quite manly looking! Poor Sardelle. 🙂
Large, blocky couch, plainly covered and not overly expensive or offensive…… But waterproof and fireproof (specially formulated by a certain ex pirate someone) should a couch emergency arise.
Sorry everyone, whatever shape or size it is, it just HAS to be covered in greenish, mustard-coloured velveteen with big buttons studded across the back and have a stiff, deep purple fringe around the bottom to hide the stumpy square (but sturdy) legs. Preferably it should be bench style and very large and high backed (just so it takes up a lot of room and you couldn’t miss it on a dark night). It should come with a few large hard-stuffed throw pillows in large pink cabbage rose patterned fabric.
A cosy cuddle sofa, just for two… Covered in memory fabrics and there’s a place for those irritating things you always want to hand but frequently don’t want in sight….
https://bokja.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/rahme-sofa.jpg
Hah, that drawer does make it extra functional.
The couch should be the same shape and size of one that mysteriously disappeared from the officers lounge.Pilots don’t seem to have a lot of money.
However it should be newly covered in a sky blue fabric with Dragon Fliers covering it. A fabric depicting the battle of the flying fortress that attacked the city would be nice.The fabric was hand painted or stitched by the Ridgewalker Fan club an adoring group of lovely old ladies.
The couch should be so awesome that Ridge (If he is Alive) would never let anyone sit on it . So it sits in the house taking up space like a large trophy.
It’s very possible he has an adoring group of lovely old ladies fan club. 🙂
This is my own, personal couch. I am planning to have it refurbished, but i haven’t gotten around to it yet 🙂 My sister refuses to look at it, as she claims it actually hurts her eyes 🙂
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/cc/6b/9a/cc6b9a1b87ccd25d2259e8415e6d67b2.jpg
At least it matches the leaves on the floor beside it. 😉
This is what comes to mind when I think of Ridges new couch (or a sofa as we call them here in the uk 😀 )
http://www.norwoodmall.com/ugly/Ugly_174.jpg
Large couch with pick upholstery that is covered in pink “lucky” dragons breathing fire. The wooden frame has two wooden dragons in relief on the arms and one centered in the middle of the back that’s really tall, as big as a headboard, for Ridge to rub for luck.
The couch should have an olive green paisley pattern on a drab yellow background. Each individual “paisley” is about one foot in size. The throw pillows that come with the couch are a plaid in the green and drab yellow color scheme. He found it at a yard sale, cheap. When he purchased it, it also had spots of bird poop on it, because the previous owners had a parakeet that they let fly around in their apartment. Cleaning off the poop left numerous small yellow-gray stains. They kind of blend in with the paisley.
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/26/c2/1526c2cfa419a25af6312c046a36c0fb.jpgttp://kulturpon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/www.michel-haillard.com-Recent-blandhin-couch.jpg
http://kulturpon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/www.michel-haillard.com-Recent-Murena-Couch.jpg
I hope these are working links. I just typed steampunk couches in Google. The coffin couches were interesting. Especially the one with the naked chick in boots draped on it?
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/15/26/c2/1526c2cfa419a25af6312c046a36c0fb.jpg
Wow, people have come up with some awesome answers. But when I think of an ugly couch I think of a cow hide (or a cow like substitute depending on what is available in the world) monstrosity. With large wooden frame and on the ends of the arm rests can be carved dragons where you can rub it for luck.
The cow hide because like the mugs he was given as gifts for years everyone assumes he into that kind of thing. I also think it should be water and fire proof. With a compartment where you can have a sneaky gun hidden away. With a child proof lock. Just so the little rascals, that everyone wants them to have, won’t get into any trouble.
The dragons on the ends would be grotesque and completely over done. With glass eyes that stare at you as you move around the room.
I like the idea of his crew building and welding a couch for him. Each of them working on it and adding what they think Ridge would want or enjoy. It would be made from reclaimed parts of their aircrafts, scraps found at the junkyard, and old mismatched couch cushions. It’ll be big and wide enough to fit most of gang as well as be comfy to do other things on… 😉
The coloring would be bronze, copper, and pewter. The cushions would all be shades and types of leather. It’ll have a chaise and ottoman and would take up most of the living room. It would be incredibly comfy and all the leather would be soft and worn in. Which would cause him to constantly have the crew over and sleeping on it.
I think the couch should be made by the squadron. It should be clunky and a little shoogly (uneven legs) made with materials they would have to hand, like old, broken parts of a plane. It should be painted with the same type of designs they paint on the planes. Overstuffed, it would be like sinking into a marshmallow when sitting down, and not too easy for jumping out of. The material could be curtains nicked from the barracks, parachute material (do they have parachutes?), or maybe filched curtains from the wreckage of the palace rooms. Such a couch, with the devotion behind it, would be impossible to refuse, or even get rid of. ?
Hehe, parachutes are still in the experimental stage. Someone really ought to push to get them okayed, what with all of the crashing that’s been happening of late.
You couldn’t see the legs because of the overly large ruffle at the bottom. It was found in the furthest corner of the furthest warehouse hidden under boxes and sheets, as if the previous owner was embarrassed it existed. It was found while cleaning out the warehouse. … the couch was the murkiest shade of avocado green, the 70s had trouble accepting it. Whoever designed it must have realized and tried to fix it with the brightest shade of neon baby blue paisley, but instead of bettering the couch, it put it in its a new class of awful couches
I totally agree that the team would build it out of old flier parts – although I went for the old red leather seats as I figured that would be the thing which Jaxi could make the most comments out of 😉
I don’t know if this couch would be better suited for Ridge or Maldynado ;).
I do seem to write a lot of characters with questionable tastes… 😛
http://uglyhousephotos.com/wordpress/?p=1777
Cas and Duck ,pilots from Ridges Wolf squadron came to speak with Sardelle. They were surprised to see King Angulus having tea with Sardelle.
Cas stepped forward to say , “Wolfe Squadron would like to replace Ridges couch that was destroyed by the fire.Do you have any suggestions on what would suit him “?
Before Sardelle could utter a response , Angulus got up from his chair and said “might I help”? “Ridge has done so much for the empire and I “. I would like to offer the royal carpenter for the job”.Duck and Cas “we would be honored your highness”.”I’ll have Gregory start on the couch forthwith”said Angulus with a wide grin crossing his face, as he approached the pilots to shake their hand .
Three days later,Gregory at the reins with Cas and Duck on either side approached Ridge and Sardelles country home. The horses heads were bent against the heavy load they were hauling up the hill in the wagon.
Sardelle sensed their arrival . She waited at the front door. Excitement playing across her face.
Cas,Duck and the royal carpenter started right to work. The couch was not to difficult to slide out of the wagon. On the ground was a different story. They couldn’t budge the huge blucky couch. “You humans make everything so difficult “said Jaxi Satdelle’s soul blade . The couch began to rise and head toward the front door which shocked the carpenter. Cas and Duck had seen Jaxi in all her glory before and just laughed.
Jaxi gently set the couch on the carpet .
Gregory carefully unwrapped what he knew was his finest work.He was so grateful the King had comissioned him.
The wood for the frame came from King Augulus’ vast forests in the far north. Gregory carefully worked the wood. He sanded and polished the old oak until it shone golden brown .
Wonderful pillows of all sizes and shapes and colors. Gold silver and bronze were across many of the pillows. The pillows had embroidery of dragons flying,diving,,playing in the air,scenes of their way of life.Across the solid oak frame were intricate beautifully scenes etched and burned into the wood The dragons flew across the wooded frame. Circling around an fly back again across the couch frame . The two corner posts in front had carvings of dragons standin guard . So life like they seemed to be breathing. Sardelle spoke to Jaxi .Jaxi your carvings,all of them,so much beauty .I’m so proud of you .
Jaxi glowed blue with pride
Everyone stood back an admired the well made couch . Joking that half the squadron could sit on the couch without incident .
Everyone laughed
Ridge came home later. Sardelle had more than the new couch
on her mind . You know Ridge two can sleep nicely on this couch. Would you like to christen our new couch. Sardelle I love you so very much. Now,,about that offer you duggested??
Thanks for the story, Kathleen! 🙂
This guy lives in a man-cave; a lad’s pad. If he could sleep in his airplane hanger, he would. His couch reflects his personality – it’s a rugged three-seater, long enough to sleep on when he’s had one too many (or been banned from the bedroom), and is covered in brown scuffed leather so it won’t show the beer stains.
Sadly, it is also well past its best. the leather is cracked, leaks stuffing, a few springs are loose and one leg is broken, which has cast the couch on a lopsided angle. It wobbles whenever anyone sits on it.
His friends are pleased when the dragon incinerates the couch; it was uncomfortable and dirty. A mate’s dog peed on it, so it is a bit high. But they know better than to give him a girly couch covered in pink. He’s not dead. He’s like a cat with nine lives. It will take more than a dragon or a witch to finish him off. You wait and see! They expect him home any day, and he’ll need a place to crash, so they find a newer version of the old couch, upholstered in sturdy brown, manly leather.
Although in a melancholy state the squadron are more mindful of Sardelle’s loss. To commemorate the memory of Ridge’s sacrifice and his part in taking down the dragon they negotiate to have some of the skin of the dragon and a few of the smaller scales. They work secretly on creating a couch for Sardelle, to replace both the ugly old couch and the cindered new one. Conversely, under the scales, the dragon skin was yellow with a greenish sheen reminiscent of the colours of Ridges old couch. With some chemical knowhow from Deathmaker and a skilled tanner Pimples knew, the finished leather took on more of a bronze sheen when it was polished up. It was created exactly as long as Ridge was tall. The wooden legs were carved to look like dragons feet and a relief carving of Ridge’s famous luck dragon was set on one end. The scales (which were remarkably difficult to work with and have a story of their own) were set on the sides as well. Along the top of the couch the wood was carved with small planes loop de looping.
The end result looked sort of like this: http://img.weiku.com/waterpicture/2011/10/25/6/modern_corner_leather_sofa_set_634553421147650684_2.jpg (except that it is a different colour and had dragon feet as well as a dragon carving where the arm rest meets the front of the couch).
Extremely touched by their efforts Sardelle tearfully accepts the token of the squadrons love for Ridge. Heartbroken she spends many a night sleeping on the dragon couch, dreaming of soaring the skies, on wings. Jaxi too, likes to lay on the couch. It makes her feel more alive. Her “dreams” though, are filled with more human activities.
Does this dragon couch hold more than dreams? Will Sardelle fly with her pilot in more than just her dreams? What does Jaxi dream? All this and more come with the dragon couch!
I am envisioning a burnt gold colored sofa with fat puke colored green vertical stripes and thin red pin stripes flanking the green ones. All three seat cushions are flat and the back cushions are saggy, with more stuffing at the bottom than the top. The arms are tattered at the front edge from people grabbing them to get up. However, it is a dream to lay on! Most comfortable napping couch on the continent. The hero knows that because he distinctly remembers having a couch just like it when he was a kid. (Although we find out later that everyone, even his mom, hated that couch!)
If the flyers in Ridgewalker’s squadron were depicted as having individual,personal logos, flags with thier own special battle symbol or coat of arms then they all might decide to get together and take these original flags,including the flags of their fellow warriors who fell in battle, and have them sewn or woven into a couch covering.
Damn… would have loved to add some ugly couches of my design but I was so verry busy that I didn’t find the time for it.
Perhaps I’ll just settle for making a sketch of the above described idea on which you settled:
the frame made of flier parts and the upholstery in the green you get when you sqish caterpillars.
Gonna put it on the forum when it’s finished
I’d love to see it! 🙂
First sketch is online…
Found it! https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/46596274/ugly%20couch.jpg
🙂